call of nature

iv'e been doing this job for e wee while now and have a problem with needing a pee,you know what i mean...half way through a 4hr drive & you,re gonna piss yirsell, folk get on the bus with a pleasant,
"hello driver,is the bus in front no running i've been waiting here 3mins what a crap service you run canny wait till the trams start and you are oot o a job... hold on till i find my money...ive only got 94p is that ok ,oh aye i'm a thicko too so can you hold on till i find a seat..right up the back..."
and you just want to shout..
"FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKK OOOOFFFF YAAAA FFFFUUUCCCKKKIIINNNGGGGG REEETTAARRDDD"
cause all you give a toss about is getting to a loo..
an aulder driver suggested a rubber band...which i dont reccomend as you leak and when you get off the bus at your changeover point it looks like there's a ballon doon your trousers...a weeping balloon at that.....any sugestions, any advice,oh aye and the auld problem of turtle head,thats a whole other very scary problem....NNNNEEESSSAAAPPPEENNN